So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
