i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
