oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
