oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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