Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Randomize