Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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