Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
