Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
