I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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