Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
