Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
