she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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