If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
