i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
