Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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