Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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