just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
