they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
