I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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