If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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