So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
