There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
