the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
