But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Two words: blizzard sex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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