Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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