ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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