Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Never joke about your clitoris.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
