I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
