Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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