ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
