Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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