Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And then he peed in my hair
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