Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
