In the future we'll all be gay
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
