Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
