Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
