I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is it penis luge time yet?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
