She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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