Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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