Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
