My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
