so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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