some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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