my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
