what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
