I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
They left me at home... I'm a liability
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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