i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
