Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
