she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
