I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
