I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
