I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
