if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
