im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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