I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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