I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
