just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
