If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
