there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
