They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
