Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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