apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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