I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My friends, they love my intelligence
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize