NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
