she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
