So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
