btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
