I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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