Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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