I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
