my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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