a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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