so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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