I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
