Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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